Until this morning I wasn't sure how I'd organize my comment. But last night I watched The Untouchables (again) and things got clearer. Yeah, the baby carriage on the steps... and the way the thrill is built. I know you say that's more suspense than escalation, OK, maybe I get the nuance, maybe not. Anyway, the revelation I had was the importance of sound. Pretty classic in film (cue Morricone's soundtrack, the repeating "escalating"motif like the Bolero) much tougher in writing, that's how your story works, how the escalation is felt, I think - the drumbeat, the mower, the vibrating colors of the summer day - it gets bigger and bigger and bigger, more ominous... and then clack and silence and the father's voice. All in a mundane, every day setting. It works very well. I haven't read the Winslow yet and I can imagine how hard it is to sustain the concept in book length without sounding contrived. More achievable in a short story. A good example is The Gingerbread Girl, a Stephen King story published in the collection "Just After Sunset". There he uses running to "set the pace". The girl starts slow, easily winded, then she gets better, runs longer, faster. The writing changes with her proficiency. Then, of course, it turns into something else, hey it's SK! I think it's fantastic how it's done.
Agreed, tough to pull off in a novel, better in a short (though that form is just as demanding.)
Did you know the baby carriage thing was riffing off another older movie (was it the Battleship Potekin, or something... going from memory.)
And yes to the sound, so vital in film. I think in Broomstick Limbo I was trying to bring in a lot of senses, sound, taste, touch, etc. So the experience was all the sense. TBH, I look back and see the overwriting, the trying too hard.
I think Matthew's comment about the elements of escalation (on a structural, or even just plot level) show the difference between a suspenseful scene, and escalation.
Yes, Da Palma's homage to Eisenstein's Battleship Potemkin, studied by every film student on the planet! I must say I had more fun watching the Chicago steps than the Odessa ones... purists will boo me for that. I have to think a bit more on escalation and how it relates to "the stakes" so beloved by literary agents.
I tend to think of escalation in my own work as events snowballing. Borrowing from my own work:
1. There's an initial heist.
2. Followed by a betrayal
3. Followed by the realization that the thing that was stolen was way worse than the MC was led to believe.
4. And now he's got multiple groups after him and fewer people that he can trust than he could at the beginning of the story.
There's a ratcheting up of danger/stakes/obstacles along the way, and more interested parties get introduced. The overall danger gets amplified so what starts out (relatively) simple, becomes more complicated and deadly.
Yes, this is how I also see it. I remember George Saunders talking about the putting pressure on a character, literally placing a thumb on them, and pushing down. So your heist, betrayal, realization, way worse, multiple problems, is exactly that kind of escalation.
Sometimes, as writers, we lose track of the things that push a reader on. Complications, escalations, things getting real shitty, whatever you call it.
I like this short; I feel Stand by Me vibes. I can see escalation: The opening is foreboding, letting us know something's coming; the next paragraph builds on that: candy that "made your mouth go numb", red-stained lips, deep purple tongue. At this point, I was expecting them to stumble on a body.
When they lay on the lawn to rest, it begins thrumming, gets louder. His dad "fires up" the lawnmower, his friend begins a deep, ominous drumming and the boys play out a limbo dance with "sinister" tones of dark magic. Then "a clack and a grind and then nothing but Brian booming, soft, under his breath."
So I think the pattern of escalation is clear and works. Two suggestions: Adding another line (or two?) setting up the boys' creating some dark magic vibe with the limbo. Had they done this before? Seen some scary movie with a scene? I.e., I think Roy's instinct that they're toying with something dangerous could be set up clearer. And I think the dad's injury is too slight. This is burned into Roy's memory into adulthood, so I maybe the scar could be amplified with a permanent slight limp or something else that grown-up Roy associates with messing with forces you don't understand.
BTW, two craft books (I think you've mentioned both before) that I find useful on escalation are George Saunders' "A Swim in the Pond in the Rain" and Benjamin Percy's "Thrill Me". The former I had, but the latter I'd never read and it's a great recommendation!
Some great observations here, Ken. Agreed, more set-up is needed to show why the boys might be scared of this. This short was written before I'd really understood the "be kind to the reader" thing. So much was in my head, but not on the page.
Also agree on the injury being too slight. Something more needs to be there to warrant carrying the memory into childhood.
I'll say more in the next post, where I will analyze a few things. It can be scary to look at old work, but I was gladdened that some concept of escalation had seeped through, even back then.
Until this morning I wasn't sure how I'd organize my comment. But last night I watched The Untouchables (again) and things got clearer. Yeah, the baby carriage on the steps... and the way the thrill is built. I know you say that's more suspense than escalation, OK, maybe I get the nuance, maybe not. Anyway, the revelation I had was the importance of sound. Pretty classic in film (cue Morricone's soundtrack, the repeating "escalating"motif like the Bolero) much tougher in writing, that's how your story works, how the escalation is felt, I think - the drumbeat, the mower, the vibrating colors of the summer day - it gets bigger and bigger and bigger, more ominous... and then clack and silence and the father's voice. All in a mundane, every day setting. It works very well. I haven't read the Winslow yet and I can imagine how hard it is to sustain the concept in book length without sounding contrived. More achievable in a short story. A good example is The Gingerbread Girl, a Stephen King story published in the collection "Just After Sunset". There he uses running to "set the pace". The girl starts slow, easily winded, then she gets better, runs longer, faster. The writing changes with her proficiency. Then, of course, it turns into something else, hey it's SK! I think it's fantastic how it's done.
Agreed, tough to pull off in a novel, better in a short (though that form is just as demanding.)
Did you know the baby carriage thing was riffing off another older movie (was it the Battleship Potekin, or something... going from memory.)
And yes to the sound, so vital in film. I think in Broomstick Limbo I was trying to bring in a lot of senses, sound, taste, touch, etc. So the experience was all the sense. TBH, I look back and see the overwriting, the trying too hard.
I think Matthew's comment about the elements of escalation (on a structural, or even just plot level) show the difference between a suspenseful scene, and escalation.
Yes, Da Palma's homage to Eisenstein's Battleship Potemkin, studied by every film student on the planet! I must say I had more fun watching the Chicago steps than the Odessa ones... purists will boo me for that. I have to think a bit more on escalation and how it relates to "the stakes" so beloved by literary agents.
I tend to think of escalation in my own work as events snowballing. Borrowing from my own work:
1. There's an initial heist.
2. Followed by a betrayal
3. Followed by the realization that the thing that was stolen was way worse than the MC was led to believe.
4. And now he's got multiple groups after him and fewer people that he can trust than he could at the beginning of the story.
There's a ratcheting up of danger/stakes/obstacles along the way, and more interested parties get introduced. The overall danger gets amplified so what starts out (relatively) simple, becomes more complicated and deadly.
But maybe I'm wrong.
Yes, this is how I also see it. I remember George Saunders talking about the putting pressure on a character, literally placing a thumb on them, and pushing down. So your heist, betrayal, realization, way worse, multiple problems, is exactly that kind of escalation.
Sometimes, as writers, we lose track of the things that push a reader on. Complications, escalations, things getting real shitty, whatever you call it.
Thanks for reading Matthew!
That is a great example. Thanks Matthew.
Hi Craig,
I like this short; I feel Stand by Me vibes. I can see escalation: The opening is foreboding, letting us know something's coming; the next paragraph builds on that: candy that "made your mouth go numb", red-stained lips, deep purple tongue. At this point, I was expecting them to stumble on a body.
When they lay on the lawn to rest, it begins thrumming, gets louder. His dad "fires up" the lawnmower, his friend begins a deep, ominous drumming and the boys play out a limbo dance with "sinister" tones of dark magic. Then "a clack and a grind and then nothing but Brian booming, soft, under his breath."
So I think the pattern of escalation is clear and works. Two suggestions: Adding another line (or two?) setting up the boys' creating some dark magic vibe with the limbo. Had they done this before? Seen some scary movie with a scene? I.e., I think Roy's instinct that they're toying with something dangerous could be set up clearer. And I think the dad's injury is too slight. This is burned into Roy's memory into adulthood, so I maybe the scar could be amplified with a permanent slight limp or something else that grown-up Roy associates with messing with forces you don't understand.
BTW, two craft books (I think you've mentioned both before) that I find useful on escalation are George Saunders' "A Swim in the Pond in the Rain" and Benjamin Percy's "Thrill Me". The former I had, but the latter I'd never read and it's a great recommendation!
Ken
Some great observations here, Ken. Agreed, more set-up is needed to show why the boys might be scared of this. This short was written before I'd really understood the "be kind to the reader" thing. So much was in my head, but not on the page.
Also agree on the injury being too slight. Something more needs to be there to warrant carrying the memory into childhood.
I'll say more in the next post, where I will analyze a few things. It can be scary to look at old work, but I was gladdened that some concept of escalation had seeped through, even back then.
And finally, yes to those two great books!