Until this morning I wasn't sure how I'd organize my comment. But last night I watched The Untouchables (again) and things got clearer. Yeah, the baby carriage on the steps... and the way the thrill is built. I know you say that's more suspense than escalation, OK, maybe I get the nuance, maybe not. Anyway, the revelation I had was the importance of sound. Pretty classic in film (cue Morricone's soundtrack, the repeating "escalating"motif like the Bolero) much tougher in writing, that's how your story works, how the escalation is felt, I think - the drumbeat, the mower, the vibrating colors of the summer day - it gets bigger and bigger and bigger, more ominous... and then clack and silence and the father's voice. All in a mundane, every day setting. It works very well. I haven't read the Winslow yet and I can imagine how hard it is to sustain the concept in book length without sounding contrived. More achievable in a short story. A good example is The Gingerbread Girl, a Stephen King story published in the collection "Just After Sunset". There he uses running to "set the pace". The girl starts slow, easily winded, then she gets better, runs longer, faster. The writing changes with her proficiency. Then, of course, it turns into something else, hey it's SK! I think it's fantastic how it's done.
I tend to think of escalation in my own work as events snowballing. Borrowing from my own work:
1. There's an initial heist.
2. Followed by a betrayal
3. Followed by the realization that the thing that was stolen was way worse than the MC was led to believe.
4. And now he's got multiple groups after him and fewer people that he can trust than he could at the beginning of the story.
There's a ratcheting up of danger/stakes/obstacles along the way, and more interested parties get introduced. The overall danger gets amplified so what starts out (relatively) simple, becomes more complicated and deadly.
I like this short; I feel Stand by Me vibes. I can see escalation: The opening is foreboding, letting us know something's coming; the next paragraph builds on that: candy that "made your mouth go numb", red-stained lips, deep purple tongue. At this point, I was expecting them to stumble on a body.
When they lay on the lawn to rest, it begins thrumming, gets louder. His dad "fires up" the lawnmower, his friend begins a deep, ominous drumming and the boys play out a limbo dance with "sinister" tones of dark magic. Then "a clack and a grind and then nothing but Brian booming, soft, under his breath."
So I think the pattern of escalation is clear and works. Two suggestions: Adding another line (or two?) setting up the boys' creating some dark magic vibe with the limbo. Had they done this before? Seen some scary movie with a scene? I.e., I think Roy's instinct that they're toying with something dangerous could be set up clearer. And I think the dad's injury is too slight. This is burned into Roy's memory into adulthood, so I maybe the scar could be amplified with a permanent slight limp or something else that grown-up Roy associates with messing with forces you don't understand.
BTW, two craft books (I think you've mentioned both before) that I find useful on escalation are George Saunders' "A Swim in the Pond in the Rain" and Benjamin Percy's "Thrill Me". The former I had, but the latter I'd never read and it's a great recommendation!
Until this morning I wasn't sure how I'd organize my comment. But last night I watched The Untouchables (again) and things got clearer. Yeah, the baby carriage on the steps... and the way the thrill is built. I know you say that's more suspense than escalation, OK, maybe I get the nuance, maybe not. Anyway, the revelation I had was the importance of sound. Pretty classic in film (cue Morricone's soundtrack, the repeating "escalating"motif like the Bolero) much tougher in writing, that's how your story works, how the escalation is felt, I think - the drumbeat, the mower, the vibrating colors of the summer day - it gets bigger and bigger and bigger, more ominous... and then clack and silence and the father's voice. All in a mundane, every day setting. It works very well. I haven't read the Winslow yet and I can imagine how hard it is to sustain the concept in book length without sounding contrived. More achievable in a short story. A good example is The Gingerbread Girl, a Stephen King story published in the collection "Just After Sunset". There he uses running to "set the pace". The girl starts slow, easily winded, then she gets better, runs longer, faster. The writing changes with her proficiency. Then, of course, it turns into something else, hey it's SK! I think it's fantastic how it's done.
I tend to think of escalation in my own work as events snowballing. Borrowing from my own work:
1. There's an initial heist.
2. Followed by a betrayal
3. Followed by the realization that the thing that was stolen was way worse than the MC was led to believe.
4. And now he's got multiple groups after him and fewer people that he can trust than he could at the beginning of the story.
There's a ratcheting up of danger/stakes/obstacles along the way, and more interested parties get introduced. The overall danger gets amplified so what starts out (relatively) simple, becomes more complicated and deadly.
But maybe I'm wrong.
Hi Craig,
I like this short; I feel Stand by Me vibes. I can see escalation: The opening is foreboding, letting us know something's coming; the next paragraph builds on that: candy that "made your mouth go numb", red-stained lips, deep purple tongue. At this point, I was expecting them to stumble on a body.
When they lay on the lawn to rest, it begins thrumming, gets louder. His dad "fires up" the lawnmower, his friend begins a deep, ominous drumming and the boys play out a limbo dance with "sinister" tones of dark magic. Then "a clack and a grind and then nothing but Brian booming, soft, under his breath."
So I think the pattern of escalation is clear and works. Two suggestions: Adding another line (or two?) setting up the boys' creating some dark magic vibe with the limbo. Had they done this before? Seen some scary movie with a scene? I.e., I think Roy's instinct that they're toying with something dangerous could be set up clearer. And I think the dad's injury is too slight. This is burned into Roy's memory into adulthood, so I maybe the scar could be amplified with a permanent slight limp or something else that grown-up Roy associates with messing with forces you don't understand.
BTW, two craft books (I think you've mentioned both before) that I find useful on escalation are George Saunders' "A Swim in the Pond in the Rain" and Benjamin Percy's "Thrill Me". The former I had, but the latter I'd never read and it's a great recommendation!
Ken